It’s a good thing that I love you
Or you’d be out on your ear
You bring mice into my sitting room
And chase them round for hours
Then you exit through your cat flap
Leaving me with your live toy
Your timing is abysmal
When I’m in a hurry or stressed
You throw up your soggy cat food
Creating a delightful job for me
When my friends come round
You get over-excited and
Scratch and bite their hands
The cat books say it’s normal
All part of pussy play
My view’s more Freudian:
You think the world revolves around you
You tear round like a torpedo
And scratch my furniture to pieces
Like my house is an assault course
Built purely for you
The cat hair on the carpet
Is another bête noir of mine
It’s a carpet on a carpet
And I’m on hoover number three
Then there’s the peeing at the front door
A threshold you don’t use
What do you think you’re doing?
I could throttle you when you do that
I know that cats are territorial
But you seem to be missing the point:
It’s my house, you’re just the lodger
And you don’t even pay rent
You lick the tap to get water
When there’s plenty in your bowl
But you’re hugely entertaining
And I can watch you for hours
I’ve contemplated a cat-cam
To find out where you go
But have decided against it
It’s probably best not to know.
Copyright © 2012 Vicky Newham. All Rights Reserved.


About Vicky Newham

Vicky Newham is a writer, living in Whitstable, Kent. She writes crime fiction, psychological thrillers and science fiction. Her main projects are novels, but she also writes short stories, flash fiction, non-fiction articles and some poetry.
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2 Responses to Loulou

  1. The cat’s POV on these matters differs.

    Well said! Any cat owner (I have 2) can relate 😉

  2. Eric Alagan says:

    What a delightful little tyrant 🙂

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